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dilate

written by ani difranco
ani difranco, [dilate] (1996) 수록

life used to be life-like.
now it's more like show biz.
i wake up in the night and i don't know where the bathroom is.
and i don't know what town i'm in or what sky i am under.
and i wake up in the darkness
and i don't have the will anymore to wonder.
everyone has a skeleton and a closet to keep it in and you're mine.
every song has a you, a you that the singer sings to.
and you're it this time.
baby, you're it this time.
when i need to wipe my face i use the back of my hand.
and i like to take up space just because i can.
and i use my dress to wipe up my drink.
i care less and less what people think.
you are so lame.
you always disappoint me.
it's kinda like our running joke, but it's not really funny.
i just want you to live up to the image of you i create.

i see you and i'm so unsatisfied.
i see you and i dilate.

so i'll walk the plank and i'll jump with a smile.
if i'm gonna go down, i'm gonna do it with style.
and you won't see me surrender. you won't hear me confess,
'cuz you've left me with nothing, but i've worked with less.
and i learn every room long enough to make it to the door.
and then i hear it click shut behind me.
and every key works differently.
i forget every time. and the forgetting defines me,
that's what defines me.
when i say you sucked my brain out,
the english translation is i am in love with you and it is no fun.
but i don't use words like love,
'cuz words like that don't matter.
but don't look so offended.
you know, you should be flattered.
i wake up in the night in some big hotel bed.
my hands grope for the light.
my hands grope for my head.

the world is my oyster.
the road is my home,
and i know i'm better off alone.