참세상

pulse

written by ani difranco
ani difranco, [little plastic castle] (1998) 수록

you crawled into my bed like some kind of giant insect
and i found myself spellbound at the sight of you there,
beautiful and grotesque
and all the rest of that bug stuff bluffing your way into my mouth,
behind my teeth, reaching for my scars.
that night we got kicked out of two bars and laughed our way home.
that night you leaned over and threw up into your hair.
and i held you there thinking i would offer you my pulse
if i thought it would be useful.
i would give you my breath except the problem with death is we have some hundred years
and then they can build buildings on our only bones.
a hundred years and then your grave is not your own.
we lie in our beds and our graves unable to save ourselves
from the quaint tragedies we invent,
and undo from the stupid circumstances we slalom through.
and i realized that night that the hall light
which seemed so bright
when you turned it on is nothing compared to the dawn,
which is nothing compared to the light
which seeps from me while you're sleeping cocooned in my room
beautiful and grotesque, resting.
that night we got kicked out of two bars and laughed our way home.
i thought: i would offer you my pulse. i would give you my breath.
i would offer you my pulse...


ani's explanation : i guess it's basically my ongoing, unromantic relationship with romantic love. it's one of the older things on this album, along with "gravel," so there's a certain amount of desperation that remains in those songs about my relationship with love, with being in love. "pulse" is a poem about being so in love that you're willing to sacrifice yourself, and feeling that you have, and knowing that that was what you chose to do. other notes : (ani wrote this poem one night while driving from los angeles up to oxnard to record some poetry with daniel lanois.)